


by now i should be used to the cold

by notthebigspoon



Series: Brandon and Hobbes [10]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-24
Updated: 2012-10-24
Packaged: 2017-11-16 22:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/544612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can't sleep. When I do, I have nightmares.”</p><p>Title taken from Over You by Miranda Lambert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	by now i should be used to the cold

“I can't sleep. When I do, I have nightmares.”

Brandon looks, and feels, like complete and utter shit. He's clean, but there are dark circles under his eyes and his skin is an awful pale color that makes him look like he's in the last stages of consumption. He looks at Buster and then looks away, rests his cheek on his drawn up knees and stares at the water in the distance. He's sitting in the upper decks, up in the nose bleeds. He wanted time alone. And he'd gotten it, until his boyfriend had come looking for him and asking him why he didn't go home and rest, he looked exhausted.

He shakes his head, biting his thumb and looking at the water in the distance. Buster sits down without a word, wrapping his arm around Brandon's shoulders and pulling him in close. He pulls away and he can feel Buster's body lock up before letting go and moving to the edge of his seat before getting up and leaving without another word. Buster's giving Brandon the space that he needs but now on top of being exhausted, he feels incredibly guilty. He also misses Hobbes, who is at home, probably snoozing blissfully in the pool of sunshine that comes in from the bay window in the living room.

They both know he hasn't been sleeping, Hobbes and Buster. Actually, he's pretty sure everyone knows. He knows that the guys that know about Hobbes have been discussing it. Buster would have come up on his own anyway but it's probably part of some stupid intervention. That or they're sending him up to get him for one they're planning later. Or he might just be paranoid. That's on the list of diagnoses at the hospital. His chart contains a laundry list of problems. He wonders if the insomnia was ever on it.

He knows exactly what got the nightmares started. His parents. He'd apparently slept soundly during the sleepover, the day they had shown up. He chalks that up to pure emotional exhaustion. He hasn't had a sound nights sleep in weeks, never more than just a few hours and he inevitably wakes up panting and sweating, sometimes crying. Whenever he's stayed over at Buster's place or vice versa, he usually manages to hide it. It's enough that Buster knows he's unstable, this doesn't need to be added to the list of things that Buster knows is wrong with Brandon.

It's probably the beginning of the end, something that Brandon has been waiting for since the day Buster came over unannounced, met Hobbes and kissed Brandon until he couldn't breathe. There was always going to be only so much that Buster could handle before he decided that he didn't need to have a head case on his hands, that he didn't need to be taking care of someone else, that he didn't need someone like Brandon around his children.

Brandon has been telling himself this over and over again since they hooked up, trying to prepare himself for it. It still hurts like hell. And it makes him a little angry at himself, because this is just like high school, when he was falling for everything that his parents told him, that there was something wrong with him and it was going to prevent him from ever having a meaningful relationship. He spends another hour up top, head drooping until he falls asleep. When he wakes up gulping for air, he decides to go home.

He makes it down to the clubhouse to get his bags, circles the corner and then doubles back when he hears a choked noise. He peeks around the corner. Buster is sitting next to Cain, hands fisted in his short hair as he shakes his head hard. “I'm _trying_ , Cain. But ever since his parents showed up... I don't know what's wrong. I don't know how to fix it. He doesn't sleep hardly at all and when he _does_ sleep, he wakes up screaming. You've seen him. It's running him into the ground. Even Hobbes can't get him to rest or help him sleep through the night.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“I've tried. He doesn't want to talk. I went up in the decks earlier to see if he was okay, said maybe he should get some rest. He finally admitted he has nightmares. But when I touched him, he pulled away. He couldn't even look at me. I don't know how to fix this.” Buster mumbles, barely getting it out. He's crying, hard, body and voice shaking with it. Brandon's never felt so rotten in his life.

Cain hugs Buster, rubs his back before murmuring, “Maybe we should get him some help. Take him somewhere, see if he can-”

“No. Fuck that. And fuck both of you, I'm not _fucking_ crazy!” Brandon snarls, panting harshly as he clutches the locker next to him.

Cain and Buster, the traitors, both jump, heads snapping around and eyes going wide. Cain opens his mouth, tries to say that they don't mean what he thinks they do, meaningless apologies and excuses. Brandon grabs his phone, his hoodie, the keys to his truck. He shoves Lopez and Zito out of the way as he's leaving, a move he's probably going to pay for later but he doesn't care. He trusted them. He trusted them and they want to send him back there. He's not going back, ever again. He won't. They can't make him.

He goes home, turns his phone off on the way when it won't stop ringing, the screen cycling through everyone with a confirmation of Hobbes's existence, including Molina. At home, he mumbles out everything that happened to a concerned Hobbes, shoveling clothing and other possessions into the largest suitcase he owns. Hobbes tries to make him see reason, tells him that Zito had called and tried to explain things to Hobbes, but he backs off when Brandon chokes and asks how he could possibly take their side.

Hobbes consents to being packed away easily enough, though he makes it a point to tell Brandon that he's overreacting and that this is a bad idea. Brandon ignores it, double checks to make sure he's got everything that he needs before turning everything in the apartment off and slipping out the door. He goes to the truck, picks a relatively decent hotel that he's stayed at before. He goes straight to bed after checking in, curling up with Hobbes and hugging one of his legs, face half pushed into his best friend's fur.

“If they can't find me, they can't make me go back.”

“Brandon, I love you, but I really think you're overreacting. They probably just wanted you to go to like, a regular doctor or maybe a therapist. They wouldn't send you back to the hospital.”

“Yes they would.”

“No. They wouldn't.” Hobbes says quietly, nuzzling Brandon and licking his hair. Brandon smiles the slightest bit, in spite of himself. “They would never do that to you. They love you. Buster especially. He's crazy about you. As crazy as Sandoval is about Molina.”

“... that's seriously a thing?”

“You have no idea.” Hobbes is laughing now. He noses Brandon one more time. “Sleep. You're exhausted and paranoid. No, don't give me that look, you are. Just sleep. It's just me and you, everything's okay. I'll take care of you.”

Brandon can't sleep anymore. When he sleeps, he has nightmares. But Hobbes is his best friend. Hobbes has never betrayed him. If Hobbes says it's okay, then it's okay. Brandon sleeps.


End file.
